Orange: (singing) Banana bana bobana, fee, fi, fo fana, I really hate...bananas! (laughs)

Crabapple: (Offscreen) That totally sucked!

Orange: Whoa! Who said that?

Crabapple: Don't quit your day job, buddy.

Orange: I don't have a job.

Crabapple: Well, that's a shocker.

Orange: Are you my conscience?

Crabapple: No.

Orange: Talking grasshopper?

Crabapple: Yes.

Orange: Really?

Crabapple: No!

Orange: Oh. Well where are you?

Crabapple: Hello, McFly! Right here! Right in front of you.

Orange: Where?

Crabapple: Oh, come on! What are you, tone-deaf and blind?

Orange: Whoa! It's a midget apple!

Crabapple: No, no, no. I'm a crabapple. That's a midget apple.

Midget Apple: We prefer the term "Little Apple", thank you very much.

Orange: Wait, wait, wait, wait, so, you're a crabapple? I thought that was a crabapple.

(an apple screams)

Crab: Yee ha! Ride em' cowboy! Woo ha!

Crabapple: Does that sort of thing happen a lot around here?

Orange: Nah, I think it's just a spur-of-the-moment thing. (laughing and then stops)

Crabapple: Are you finished?!

Orange: No, I'm an orange! (laughs)

Crabapple: (mockingly laughs) Shut up! Cripes, I'm starting to miss the singing.

Orange: Oh, really?

Crabapple: No, no, none of this is good. I'm stuck with an Orange that runs his mouth like a wheat-eater on rocket fuel, a crab that thinks he's a cowboy, and a freakin' Midget Apple!

Midget Apple: That's Little Apple!

Crabapple: Nobody cares!

Orange: Hey, hey, Crabapple!

Crabapple: Shut it.

Orange: Hey-

Crabapple: Shut-

Orange: Hey-

Crabapple: -it!

Orange: Crab-

Crabapple: No!

Orange: -Hey-

Crabapple: Shut!

Orange: -Hey-

Crabapple: Be quiet!

Orange: -Crabapple-

Crabapple: SHUT UP!!!!!

(silence for about 4 seconds)

Orange: Want to hear about the time I met a pumpkin?

Crabapple: No!!!!

Orange: Geez, you are an apple.

Crabapple: Crabapple.

Orange: Yeah, no kidding.

Crabapple: No kidding?! That's all you've been doing since I got here! No kidding would be great! You should get to work on that right away, you FREAKIN' IDIOT!!!!!

Orange: Okay. So I said, "Pumpkin? More like Plumpkin!" (laughs)

Crabapple: Dimple face..... dimwitted pile of......

Orange: Get it? 'Cause he's a pumpkin, and he's plump. Plumpkin? (laughs)

Crabapple: It's not funny, it's--

Orange: Plumpkin!

Crabapple: No, it's--

(shadow casts on Crabapple)

Crabapple: Hey, what happened to the lights?

Orange: Plumpkin!

Crabapple: Plumpkin?! (scream and gets crushed)

Pumpkin: Ow!

Orange: Ow! Hey, how's it going, Plumpkin?

Pumpkin: I think I just sat on a midget apple!

Midget Apple: Hey! It's Little Apple!

Pumpkin: Whatever.

Orange: Hey, hey, Plumpkin!

Pumpkin: Yeah?

Orange: Crab.

Pumpkin: (screams)

Midget Apple: (screams)

Crab: Yee ha! Ride 'em cowboy!

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