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Transcript


Orange: Check it out, yo. We're back. Back to back in the kitchen with my buddy, Pear Glasses.

Pear Glasses: Duck, fool.

Orange: Back with my big beautiful bushy beard. I stole it from a Lumber Jack, after I beat his (censored) down.

Lumber Jack: (sobbing) My beautiful beard.

Orange: Didn't you get the E-vite? We're throwin' a party with arty and farty. (fart) We're gettin' all bob ross up in this mother. Makin' a portrait of yours truly using bacon, bacon, and more bacon!

(Title card says, "Epic Peel Time: self pork-trait (bacon + bacon + bacon).)

Orange: Now, we start off with a big beautiful ball of pork.

(A pork drops in the counter, and fat counter is 1000 g of fat and 10,150 calories.)

Orange: You know it's the cheeses that pleases. So, lay it on thick, Pear Glasses.

Pear Glasses: Duck, fool. (throws the cheese at the pork with a slingshot)

Orange: Again.

(Pear Glasses throws the cheese at the pork, again.)

Orange: And again.

(Pear Glasses throws the cheese at the pork, again.)

Orange: Again!

(Pear Glasses throws the cheese at the pork, again.)

Orange: AND AGAIN!!

(Pear Glasses throws lots of cheese at the pork, and fat counter is 7000 g of fat and 20,600 calories.)

Orange: That's right. Now, hit 'em with the bacon strips.

(Pear Glasses throws bacon strips at the cheesed pork with a slingshot.)

Orange: And bacon strips.

(Pear Glasses throws bacon strips at the cheesed pork, again.)

Orange: And bacon strips!

(Pear Glasses, Midget Apple, and Marshmallow keeps throwing lots of bacon strips at the cheesed pork.)

Orange: And bacon strips, and bacon strips, and bacon strips, AND BACON STRIPS!!!

(Pear Glasses, Midget Apple, and Marshmallow stops throwing bacon strips at the cheesed pork, and fat counter is 30,500 g of fat and 80,300 calories.)

Orange: Even, midgets think big when it comes to bacon.

Midget Apple: Hey!

Orange: Don't believe the height. All the piggys went to market. Even the little one. Time to hit it with the jack!

(Grapefruit pours the Cracker Jack on top of the baconed pork.)

Orange:sauce in the house! What's shakin', Bacon?

Bacon: Word.

Orange: Yeah. And the word is, "bread."

(Pear Glasses pulls the tight rope, and the bread pieces sprinkled on top of the balled meat.)

Orange: Bread that bad boy up, and throw it in the deep fryer.

(Grapefruit pushed the balled meat in the deep fryer.)

Orange: Now, deep fry the deep fryer!

(Grapefruit pushed the deep fryer in the giant deep fryer.)

Orange: Once bitten, twice fried, reconize.

(The fried pork drops on the counter.)

Orange: Time for the bacon cannon.

(Grapefruit shoots the fried pork with the bacon cannon with min.)

Orange: Hit it with some chicken ride bacon strips, and bacon strips, and bacon strips, and HEY!

(Record scratches, and Grapefruit stops the bacon cannon.)

Orange: What are you doing?! Turn that bacon gun up to maximum, fool!

(Grapefruit turns up to maximum.)

Grapefruit: MAXIMUM BACON!!

(Grapefruit shoots lots of bacon at the fried pork, very fast.)

Orange: There you go, bro. You can't skimp, when you're a bacon pimp.

(Grapefruit keeps shooting lots of bacon at the fried pork, and fat counter has all the errors.)

Orange: Time to float this mother down a slip and slide of spicy cheddar cheese.

(Grapefruit pused the meat, the meat rolled on the cheddar cheese, and the meat falls in the bucket of cheddar cheese.)

Orange: A wackity-wack! Don't talk back! Yo, almost home!

(The meat drops on the counter with a carved faces.)

Orange: Let's get this bad boy bearded up. Hit him with the bacon bits, Pear Glasses.

(Pears Glasses sets the Bacon Bits 4000.)

Pear Glasses: Duck, fool!

(Pear Glasses shoots lots of bacon bits at the meat to make a beard for the meat.)

Orange: Old man Winter can suck it. We've got a blizzard of bacon beatin' down on the counter.

(Everyone sees the Masterpiece of Meat.)

Orange: Whoa! It's a Masterpiece of Meat, like a picasso made of pork! It's almost too beautiful to--

(Record scratches)

Orange: Let's eat this thing!

(Everyone stares at the food, and licked themselves if they're ready to eat.)

Marshmallow: Yay! I love bacon!

(Marshmallow eats lots of Masterpiece of Meat side to side, and he burps.)

Orange: Yo, next time, we eat Liam!

(Screen show Liam getting tied up in a stick, and the bottom was fire.)

Liam: Aw, crap!

(End rolls)

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