Orange: "(laughing in the title) So, then I said, "If you want the mustard, you're gonna have to ketchup!" (laughs)"

Pear: "That was quite probably the worst joke I ever heard."

Orange: "You're the worst joke I ever heard! (laughs)"

Pear: (groans)

Mystery Potato Man: "Ugh! It's way too bright in here! Does somebody wanna turn the light down or something?"

Orange: "Whoa! A dirty pear with sunglasses!"

Mystery Potato Man: "What?"

Orange: "Hey, Pear! Check it out! It's your brother!"

Pear: "(scoffs) That's not my brother!"

Mystery Potato Man: "I'm not a pear! My name is MysteryPotatoMan."

Orange: "(laughing) POE-TAY-TOE!"

Mystery Potato Man: "We're not doin' that."

Orange: "POE-TAY-TOE!"

Mystery Potato Man: "No."

Orange: "Really?"

Mystery Potato Man: "Yeah. That's pretty stupid, okay?"

Orange: "Yeah, whatever, Four Eyes. (laughs)"

Mystery Potato Man: "Hey! You'll be wearin' sunglasses, too if you grew up in the ground. This light is killing me!"

Orange: "You grew up in the dirt? I'm gonna call you Muddy Buddy! (laughs)."

Mystery Potato Man: "I'm not muddy, and I'm not your bud!"

Orange: "(laughs) You said spud! You're a spudmuffin! (laughs)."

Mystery Potato Man: "Man you're a real square, you know that?"

Orange: "Nu-uh! I'm round. (laughs)"

Mystery Potato Man:" (grunts) Pear, is this guy that always this annoying?"

Pear: "No; it's even worse when he uses the airhorn."

Orange: "Hey, Muddy Buddy!"

Mystery Potato Man: "What?"

(Orange blows the airhorn)

Mystery Potato Man: "(glasses off) AAHHH! My eyes! It's so bright!"

Orange: (laughs)

Mystery Potato Man: "(cries) Why would you do that, man?"

Orange: "Pear did it."

Mystery Potato Man: "Pear didn't do it. I saw you."

Orange: "Blame Pear!"

Mystery Potato Man: "No!"

Orange: "Uh oh! Guess what?"

Mystery Potato Man: "What! What is it?"

Orange: "Airhorn! (blows the airhorn)"

Mystery Potato Man: "(screams)"

Orange: "(laughs)"

Mystery Potato Man: "Oh, I can't see anything. And I can't even hear myself think."

Orange: "It's funny 'cause it hurts. (laughs)."

Mystery Potato Man: "You are really getting into my skin, buddy. I've met some stupid food of my days, but you really take the cake."

Orange: "Why would you take the cake? That's what Carrot lives!"

Mystery Potato Man: "I don't care about Carrot."

Carrot: "Well, I don't care about you, either! (cries)"

Orange: "Geez, for a tater, you're a real hater. Maybe you're a Hater Tot! (laughs)."

Mystery Potato Man: "Sweet mother of, oh, your voice is snapping me, like a giant..."

Orange: "Let me guess, Knife?"

Mystery Potato Man: "What?"

(Dane Boedigheimer picks MysteryPotatoMan up and peels him)

Mystery Potato Man: "(screams)"

(Mystery PotatoMan's face falls off)

Orange:" Whoa! It's a face off! (laughs)"

(Mystery Potato Man continues screaming)

Orange: "I don't know who to root for. (laughs) Get it? Root? (laughs again)."

Mystery Potato Man:" Wait, wait, what are you doing, what are you doing? (screams)"

Orange: "Oh, well, that guy needed a thicker skin anyways. (laughs)."

Carrot: (cries)

Pear: "Come on, Carrot, Potato didn't mean it. Stop crying."

Orange: "Hey, Carrot, I know what will make you forget about being sad."

Carrot: "Really? What?"

Orange: "Airhorn! (blows airhorn)"

(Carrot screams)

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