Orange: "(laughing in the title) So, then I said, "If you want the mustard, you're gonna have to ketchup!" (laughs)"
Pear: "That was quite probably the worst joke I ever heard."
Orange: "You're the worst joke I ever heard! (laughs)"
Pear: (groans)
Mystery Potato Man: "Ugh! It's way too bright in here! Does somebody wanna turn the light down or something?"
Orange: "Whoa! A dirty pear with sunglasses!"
Mystery Potato Man: "What?"
Orange: "Hey, Pear! Check it out! It's your brother!"
Pear: "(scoffs) That's not my brother!"
Mystery Potato Man: "I'm not a pear! My name is MysteryPotatoMan."
Orange: "(laughing) POE-TAY-TOE!"
Mystery Potato Man: "We're not doin' that."
Orange: "POE-TAY-TOE!"
Mystery Potato Man: "No."
Orange: "Really?"
Mystery Potato Man: "Yeah. That's pretty stupid, okay?"
Orange: "Yeah, whatever, Four Eyes. (laughs)"
Mystery Potato Man: "Hey! You'll be wearin' sunglasses, too if you grew up in the ground. This light is killing me!"
Orange: "You grew up in the dirt? I'm gonna call you Muddy Buddy! (laughs)."
Mystery Potato Man: "I'm not muddy, and I'm not your bud!"
Orange: "(laughs) You said spud! You're a spudmuffin! (laughs)."
Mystery Potato Man: "Man you're a real square, you know that?"
Orange: "Nu-uh! I'm round. (laughs)"
Mystery Potato Man:" (grunts) Pear, is this guy that always this annoying?"
Pear: "No; it's even worse when he uses the airhorn."
Orange: "Hey, Muddy Buddy!"
Mystery Potato Man: "What?"
(Orange blows the airhorn)
Mystery Potato Man: "(glasses off) AAHHH! My eyes! It's so bright!"
Orange: (laughs)
Mystery Potato Man: "(cries) Why would you do that, man?"
Orange: "Pear did it."
Mystery Potato Man: "Pear didn't do it. I saw you."
Orange: "Blame Pear!"
Mystery Potato Man: "No!"
Orange: "Uh oh! Guess what?"
Mystery Potato Man: "What! What is it?"
Orange: "Airhorn! (blows the airhorn)"
Mystery Potato Man: "(screams)"
Orange: "(laughs)"
Mystery Potato Man: "Oh, I can't see anything. And I can't even hear myself think."
Orange: "It's funny 'cause it hurts. (laughs)."
Mystery Potato Man: "You are really getting into my skin, buddy. I've met some stupid food of my days, but you really take the cake."
Orange: "Why would you take the cake? That's what Carrot lives!"
Mystery Potato Man: "I don't care about Carrot."
Carrot: "Well, I don't care about you, either! (cries)"
Orange: "Geez, for a tater, you're a real hater. Maybe you're a Hater Tot! (laughs)."
Mystery Potato Man: "Sweet mother of, oh, your voice is snapping me, like a giant..."
Orange: "Let me guess, Knife?"
Mystery Potato Man: "What?"
(Dane Boedigheimer picks MysteryPotatoMan up and peels him)
Mystery Potato Man: "(screams)"
(Mystery PotatoMan's face falls off)
Orange:" Whoa! It's a face off! (laughs)"
(Mystery Potato Man continues screaming)
Orange: "I don't know who to root for. (laughs) Get it? Root? (laughs again)."
Mystery Potato Man:" Wait, wait, what are you doing, what are you doing? (screams)"
Orange: "Oh, well, that guy needed a thicker skin anyways. (laughs)."
Carrot: (cries)
Pear: "Come on, Carrot, Potato didn't mean it. Stop crying."
Orange: "Hey, Carrot, I know what will make you forget about being sad."
Carrot: "Really? What?"
Orange: "Airhorn! (blows airhorn)"
(Carrot screams)